Part 1

DAWN

Love to me, is like music. A wondrous love would equate to a really good song. Where every element, every instrument combines well with each other, creating a beautiful song that knows no bounds. Going by my musical tastes, my love, is a soothing yet eerie song. A symphonic metal song, where the fast and loud beat is combined with classical and gothic elements, the lyrics sung to perfection by an angel. The fast, rocking beat indicates the tumultuous road that every relationship takes, angry quarrels and fights, the crying, the inevitable bumps on the road. The gothic sound brings the darkness of every relationship into play. The secrets kept, the fears, and the strangeness and quirks that occur. The classical sound, the pianos, violins, flutes, is the soothing part of it all. The comfort, and the sweetness of the love. The lyrics, well they detail every single thing. The words that make the song form the story of the relationship. It tells of every single waking moment, brings to life all the underlying meanings and sounds that the other elements hint at. Lastly, there is the main melody. This depicts the feelings for each other. A strong, beautiful melody is a strong, beautiful relationship.

The song I have now is perfect and has been playing for five years now. I was seventeen when we first met. He was twenty. The one thing I remembered about him off our first meeting was how shy he was. He would mumble his replies; sneak peeks at me and quickly turn away when I caught him looking. I would smile whenever he did so, and he would blush. It was as though I was the guy and he the girl. With the others around however, he was funny and intelligent, still is, with a sarcastic humor that I grew to find endearing.

To speak the truth, I wasn’t attracted to him at first. I liked who I saw he was, but there were a million guys out there like him. He was nothing special. I wanted someone special. I wanted someone with whom I could write a beautiful song. At the point, we were not harmonizing.

Then the dear boy started giving me reasons to notice him. Mind you, he wasn’t doing it intentionally. My Zach isn’t the kind who shows off on purpose. Anyway, my friends and I were seated at a table, just chit-chatting and gossiping about the latest campus scandals. He was seated at the next table with his friends, working on some sort of project. We had just hit a lapse in our conversation, so our table was quiet. I overheard one of his friends asking him how a certain song went. The next thing I knew, I was sitting there, hand gripping the edge of the table, listening in rapt enchantment. The boy can sing, and that was the first of many things that started to attract me to him.

The more I saw him, the more I learned about him, both good and bad. Over time, all his little quirks and personality was open to me. He didn’t show them to me intentionally. It only happened that I was there to catch sight or hear what was going on.

There was a time when I happened to catch a conversation between him and one of his friends. She was troubled and depressed, and he was there to lend her his shoulder and whatever else she needed. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but hearing him comfort her and telling her he wished he could take it all away from her made me wish that I was the one he was comforting. He had a way with words, and he was sincere and truly caring. My heart melted then and I knew I was smitten.

So over time we somehow became friends. Not acquaintances through our mutual groups of friends, but true friends. He somehow, in his shy and weird manner, managed to hold a conversation with me during one of our group outings. We were talking about music, that which I hold so dear, and that which he did so well. He then, after many hints on my part and much hesitation and stammering, asked for my phone number. I willingly gave it to him, with my blessings to call whenever he liked. Thus began our journey to where we are now.

We would spend many nights talking over the phone about our mutual interests and pretty much everything under the sun. I found him to be a wealth of knowledge, knowing little snippets of information here and there. Pretty soon, we had developed a relationship without even knowing. We knew so much about each other, because we had opened up to each other unknowingly. People around us started to talk and tease us about how close we were and whether we were secretly dating. I liked the teasing. I liked it a lot, and that was what put the dread in my heart.

Although I liked him immensely, I was on the mindset then, that I would not get into a relationship until I finished my scholastic pursuits. I wanted to do well, be the best I could before anything else. It was a goal I had written years back, and it wrought havoc in my mind and more seriously, my heart.

Everyday I would ask myself if a relationship would hinder my achievements. Everyday I would ponder and wonder. Could I handle them both? Was I ready to undertake this? I frustrated myself over and over with the same questions. Then one night, I lay on my bed, took in a deep breath, blew it out, and told myself, no. I wasn’t ready. I had to focus myself on one thing and one thing only. There was no room for anything else yet.

His face was one of total dismay when I told him about it. He looked broken, dejected and a total wreck. His face lost that sense of life I held so dear. I felt like crying and killing myself. How could I do such a thing to him? I offered a way out. Was he willing to wait until I graduated? Could he wait those three long years? Just three years, and I was all his. He looked at me with broken eyes, a slight glint returning because there was some form of hope left, smiled a weak smile, and said, “I’ll wait.”

It was a hell of a three years. We managed to keep a strangled friendship together, we spoke, but there was this sense of distance between us, as though we both did not want to get too close once more. The sense was like that of a song gone wrong, like how some songs start off really well, yet end on a really bad note. This was beginning to sound like one of those songs. I was worried, afraid that I was losing him. We hardly saw each other, only conversing on the phone when we were free. Maybe he was losing interest and couldn’t care less anymore. It affected me, but somehow I steeled myself against it, pushed it out of my mind the same way I pushed my feelings for him aside, and focused myself on what I felt was important.

I graduated top of my year. It was undoubtedly one of the best points of my life. All that I had given up was worth it, and now things could only get better. My heart raced. Would he accept me now? Or had he given up? The first thing I did after my ceremony was look for him. I found him, skulking in a corner, silently staring into nothing. He had that weird faraway look he always had, and his head was tilted slightly to the side. A habit I found endearing.

So I walked up to him, and he awoke from his revelry. He looked me in the eyes, his filled with pride and hope, mine filling with tears. Bursting out in sobs, leaned my head upon his shoulder, and let loose a waterfall of tears unlike any other. All the waiting, the pain, the fear, the feelings, everything, had culminated into this one good cry.

What he did was just stand there, holding me. And in that gesture, spoke to me. It said, “I’m here for you now, and always will be.”

So that’s the story of how everything started. Growing feelings stunted by selfish dreams that eventually were allowed to blossom. It could have broken anytime. He could have left anytime, but he held on. I guess he saw something between us that he liked, something he thought was worth waiting for, and I guess he guessed right. What we have now was made stronger thanks to that ordeal. That period of having to hold off each other and pushing aside everything we were together and living as two different entities for the moment. Yet now we are one. This beautiful piece of music that is my life resonates around me every waking moment and within every dream. I have no more nightmares. He chased them all away. We no longer sing separate arias. Ours is a brilliant duet.

In a few days, those years will number six. Like every year, all I want to do is spend time with him on that day. We buy each other gifts, but those are secondary. Those are nothing if either of us is not around the share the day. I seek a gift still though. That little token to brighten up the day. Make things a little more exciting. So I’m shopping around, looking for something that represents us.

The lights turn green, and I cross the road…